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30 Foods that Need to Disappear in 2018

Each year some amazing new foods and food trends grace our Facebook pages. But more often than not, the trends we see are more than lacking. Some of them make us say, “this again? Why won’t it just die already!” While others we wouldn’t feed our dogs. Here is a bit of a mix of foods that for some reason or another have us begging them to be deleted from existence. From hipster trends to grandma’s favorite treat, we have thirty foods that need to disappear this very year! Bring on the bacon in 2018! That stuff should live long and prosper!

Chicken Nuggets

Although there’s not exactly anything wrong with chicken nuggets, there’s a time and place for everything. As far as these little nibbles of poultry go, we need to remember that we’re not five and life isn’t a Happy Meal.



The whole adults eating chicken nuggets trend should have died years ago. But to this day, so many refuse to grow up and get a good old-fashioned chicken sandwich.

Today
Today

Just Frozen Food

Frozen food has been around for decades now. With the release of the microwave, these pop-in-and-pop-out eats were a thing of the future. Now, they’re a thing of the past. TV dinners and frozen meals may have something for everyone, but there comes a time in life where you start steering toward fresh food. I hate to break it to you, but even those “healthy” dinners are far from what your body needs to thrive.

Frozen Food Europe
Frozen Food Europe

Deconstructed Salad

Why must the world start deconstructing things? Isn’t that literally the opposite of progression? Ironic, since the term was invented by hipsters. Out of all of the deconstructed food, I’d say salads are the worst. I mean, aren’t they already deconstructed to start with?

New York Times
New York Times

Pumpkin Spice

Of all the meme-y foods in existence, pumpkin spice lattes trump the rest. For some reason, there are two sides to this story. Those who love pumpkin spice junk and those who are deadset against it. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we all joined together and stopped buying pumpkin spice flavored treats?

Wide Open Eats
Wide Open Eats

Unicorn Everything

About 99% of the world is fed up and tired of the unicorn trend. That 1% is bronies and 9-year-old girls. Meaning, no sane adult actually likes this unicorn thing. It was fun and cute, to begin with, but it’s gone way too far for far too long. Talking to you, Starbucks.

One Green Planet
One Green Planet

Imitation Crab (and everything else)

The word imitation is disgraceful. Who would ever think to imitate a food? Food is for eating so why create fake food? The worst part about this is that imitation food usually contains the exact food its imitating. That defeats the purpose of the substitute because the only people truly interested are cheapskates and people with allergies.

Amazon
Amazon

Imposter Cheese (American Cheese)

I think that we can all agree that no matter how much we love cheeseburgers, American cheese is gross. It’s the white trash of cheeses that doesn’t deserve the “cheese” label. It’s a cheese “product” for goodness sake so stop calling it cheese. Maybe next time you make burgers, you can add some nice cheddar or swiss instead.

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

Charcoal Infused Foods

The whole black food thing is kind of cool if you’re a little boy playing with his Queasy Bake Oven or someone who loves Instagram. As for the rest of us, how is black ice cream actually appealing? It’s pretty, but that’s about it. Besides, ask any doctor, and they will tell you that the “health benefits” are all a scam. Charcoal isn’t beneficial to our system.

Cloudfront
Cloudfront

Smoothies As Meals

I’m sorry to have to tell you this but having a smoothie for dinner is not healthy. If you want to have one, that’s fine, but really, it’s generally a sugar-filled lie. Even those green things are not balanced meals. You need solid foods. Period. Smoothies are for fun, and those “mouth sewed shut” diets.

Delish
Delish

Amped Up Toast

Avocado toast was everything in 2017, but can we really just move on? I’ll be the first to slice up an avocado, slab it on toast, and drizzle some cayenne-seasoned crema on top. But I think that it being “cool” is overrated. To each their own but this is no different than a sandwich. It’s actually an open-faced sandwich and nothing more.

Pioneer Woman
Pioneer Woman

Cheap Pizza

Pizza can be a delicacy, but with everyone cheapening it up, it’s become equivalent to a $1 burger. I don’t think that low-budget pizza places should go out of business, but they need to be less popular. It’s giving pizza a bad name. Seriously, picture a pizza in your mind. Is it an authentic, Italian one or a cheese one that costs $3.99 on weekends?

Eat Boston
Eat Boston

Americanized Foreign Food

Please stop calling your tacos Mexican if they have that Taco Bell shell. Please stop calling your lasagna Italian if you put pasteurized processed cheese product on it. There’s nothing wrong with American food when it’s authentic. But there is something wrong with lying. So call it Americanized if you like, but don’t call it foreign.

YouTube
YouTube

Pickling Everything

Pickling cucumbers isn’t all that bad. It’s delicious to most! But when you decide to take everything you own and throw it in vinegar, things can get out of hand. Do you actually think pickled snouts and pig feet sell? I sure hope not.

Delicious Tings
Delicious Tings

Pickle Desserts

Although we said pickles are yummy, you should know that they don’t belong just anywhere. Under no circumstances is it okay to put them on a dessert. They belong on burgers, not on cupcakes. Whoever decided that they are yummy with sugar was dead wrong.

Food Lover Girl
Food Lover Girl

Raw Dough

There’s a reason that yeast is meant to be cooked. The same goes with eggs and other things in the dough. As a kid, eating raw cookie dough was something you always dreamt of. Now as an adult you actually have the chance and I sure hope you don’t follow through on that dream. I also hope you aren’t one of those yeast ball people. The raw dough needs to stop, and it needs to stop now.

Public Domain Pictures
Public Domain Pictures

Movie Theater Popcorn

The harsh truth is that you’ve probably never eaten fresh popcorn at the movies. Former theater workers admitted that when they worked there, they would gather all the popcorn up in trash bags every night. The next morning, they dumped it in the machine again to make it look freshly popped. Why is it that we feel like we need popcorn anyway? The association with movies is strange.

Boing Boing
Boing Boing

Gas Station Food

I got one word for you slushie-lovers. Mold. I kid you not, ask any honest gas station worker and they will tell you that those slushie machines have mold on the inside. Like fuzzy, green mold, waiting to attack. That’s disturbing, but it’s not just those machines. The food in the hotboxes is guaranteed to be leftover from the day before if they didn’t all sell. And you wonder why you have bathroom problems after eating there.

Kentucky Sports Radio
Kentucky Sports Radio

Pasta Substitutes

This isn’t all that bad, but it’s getting old. Eating spaghetti squash or zucchini as pasta is not new. It’s decades old and it’s not cool and innovative. We all know what it tastes like and I think it’s time we stop eating pasta altogether if we can’t eat it the right way. Want to take it up a notch? Make it whole wheat!

Cuisine Acutuelle
Cuisine Acutuelle

Jell-O

Jell-O in general isn’t too shabby, but people refuse to leave it alone. No, we don’t need Jell-O ice cubes, and if you dare to put one solid product in a mold with it, you shall be disowned. If it weren’t for the bright, attractive colors, I guarantee you that no one would eat Jell-O anymore. Are we like five?

Jello Mold Mistress
Jello Mold Mistress

Church Lady Casseroles

We’re mostly talking about the ones made from leftovers here. Your kids don’t eat the green beans you made Tuesday, guess what you’re taking to the family reunion this weekend? Green bean casserole! And you wonder why you have ¾ of a pan when you finish. After all, that mac and cheese you brought went so fast. Truth is, your husband ate that serving of casserole so you wouldn’t feel too bad.

Pillsbury
Pillsbury

Gold Dusted Foods

Are we Paris Hilton here? Gold food is not very tasty and is incredibly expensive. I have never understood the point of dusting or brushing your food with something that isn’t good. The only reasons could be because it’s healthy or cheap. When it’s neither, we’re all a little confused.

ABC7 Chigaco
ABC7 Chigaco

Sushi Mashups

Sushi is good, burgers are good. A sushi burger is an excuse to advertise something as “new.” The new sushi trend of turning everything into sushi is frankly annoying. Why take such a great food and mess with it. It’s been the perfect shape and size for hundreds of years! Don’t mess with it!

Daniel Swanwick
Daniel Swanwick

White Bread

Hipsters say ew! White bread has absolutely no redeeming qualities, and if you go for a while without it, it starts tasting pretty rank. If you’re going to eat white flour, at least make it a croissant or something. For decades it’s been the bread of choice, but I think it’s time for a change. Whole wheat bread needs to go in style or else humanity is doomed.

Urban Wired
Urban Wired

Spam

American’s second worse culinary invention. The first being American cheese. Put the two together, and you have a cheap, repulsive meal to foreigners. As a child, no doubt you hated Spam. It tasted cheap and fake. As adults, do you stick to your guns or have you succumbed to the fried Spam for dinner movement?

Eater
Eater

Plain Milk

Did you know that the majority of adults would rather never drink cow’s milk again? Now that everyone knows how it’s processed (and what it does to your body), less and less people are drinking it. But still, at diners (and such) it’s one of the best-selling drinks.



The dairy farms will never go out of business. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but milk doesn’t need to be glorified as far as human consumption is concerned.

Nuffoods Spectrum
Nuffoods Spectrum

“Meat Loaf”

Remember when you were a kid and your mom would bring home Wonder Bread and ham and cheese loaf? When you were little, did you think it was awful or did you fall for her charm? Even bologna, in general, is not very yummy. And a “loaf” of ham should never happen. Adding jalapenos and onions doesn’t help either.

Micuisine
Micuisine

Fake Kobe Beef

Kobe beef is the most expensive meat in the entire world! You’d think it wouldn’t be available just anywhere, but lookee there, there’s the “Kobe Beef” label. Most of the time, what you’ve been told is Kobe beef, is really just a lie used to make more money. Stop buying it unless the restaurant is stamped online.

News Week
News Week

Pufferfish

Let’s play a game called, “I Wonder If I’ll Die Today.” That’s pretty much what it’s like to eat pufferfish, one of the deadliest foods known to man. How in the world anyone thought it was even considered a food is beyond me.

Japan Info
Japan Info

Hot Dogs

The biggest choking hazard to children and one of the leading causes of heart disease. Hot dogs are evil and we all know it! Yet, we continue to feed the mysterious foods to our children and stuff them in our faces for holidays.

Wikimedia
Wikimedia

Roses As A Flavor

A rose is a flower much like a lavender. They smell good and they are pretty, but let’s keep them as “scents” rather than “flavors.” Rose flavored stuff is just not good and even when it is, there are much better alternatives. Why not try tea tree or basil? Those things are timeless! Roses, not so much.

Just Putzing
Just Putzing
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Charlie, Heywise Staff

Article WriterCharlie, Heywise Staff

Charlie took to the written word like a fish takes to water. That is to say; they found themselves immersed in literature from before they were born. They've been known to tell their friends how they can still remember the passages their parents read to them when they were in utero - Emily Dickinson, Jane Austen, and a bit of Hunter S. Thompson thrown in to balance it out. Charlie keeps their feet wet, whether they're whipping up pithy one-liners to tease your brain or busy working on their second novel (the first one is available on Amazon under a pen name they refuse to disclose). You’re sure to get a kick out of giggle-worthy explanations and outrageous hints, and still come away feeling like you’ve just expanded your knowledge base.

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